'because the stars fool us all'
heard it from my friend.
If only she realised the true meaning of this. Okay so i havent updated this blog as often as i thought i would.. but i guess i've been busy, or avoiding the fact that I was back to speaking to Charlie again. It lasted a few weeks the whole 'i'm not going to talk to him, thats the end of us' kinda thing. We just started chatting one night and it felt so natural that I couldnt draw myself away from him. So for the past week, I've spoken to him every now and again.
But then, the usual rubbish and rumours followed. He had been doing (i'm going to be nice') "stuff" with a girl in a lesson at school. When I first heard of this, I actually laughed so hard. Just the thought that for once I didnt have to deal with it. He had the choice to make his own decisions considering we hadnt been really talking etc etc. But then when I got home, he popped up online and said it wasnt true, to not believe it. And i was confused. The whole time we were what we were, he never used that amount of willingness to talk about things. The whole 2 years it went on for. Never, and now we were over, (if we ever began) he was quite happy to defend his side so that i wouldnt get the wrong impression. I actually thought WTF. I mean, it had nothing to do with me right?
So then, last night, I went to a party, and the last rumour about him and a girl, the one where i WAS involved was there. Now, we hadnt spoken since I kinda barged myself up to her introducing myself and basically asking what the hell she was doing. and the nicest - but weirdest thing happened. She asked weather we could put it all behind us, and not let him get in the way like he has done previously. And truthfully, i was thinking of doing this, if i can do it with Ellie, who i went through months of pain with, then i can do it with someone i dont know other than the fact she had a thing with Charlie. And i had a really goood night dancing and laughing with her.
The downside was though, Charlie was there as well. I thought wow, this is going to be awkward. And it was. Everytime i spoke to one of his mates, immediately after he was with them, if i hugged them, he was interrogating them afterwards. When I sat on their laps (there were no seats left) he got another girl to sit on his. When i danced he stared. I dont get it. he NEVER showed this much care and attention before, and this isnt fair to start doing it now :/
I miss him i do. I mean talkign to someone pratically everyday for 2 years and then cut all ties is hard. Not something I reckon a 16 year old should have to do. and this is the second time ive done it. But im always going to love him, and i know i should be trying to get over him. It wasnt a healthy relationship whatever it was.
Im just stuck. I know what im doing is right, but i dont get where this new care and love has come from and i guess im just doubting what i thought long and hard about..
xo.B'
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