broken.

after all the happy smiles and the words that were said; i now know they were fake.
after everything that seemed to have changed; i now know it was fake.
 the way my heart feels; I know it was true love.


This time it was supposed to be different. No promises and no lies meant no heartbreak for either of us. 
but again it was fake, everything still the same. :|
without any exaggeration, you broke me. my heart split completely in too. shattered. but the only person who can fix it properly is you. twisted much?
i'm 16 and been the other girl before. never again do i want to - but apparently i still am. 

a cold heart, on a cold night.

i gave up my friendship with my mates for the boy i love.
dont get me wrong - i still see them. just not as much.
but they're girls. its all drama. and im passed that. we're leaving school in the summer its time to grow up. 


but now im scared. i'm loosing them. and i never thought that this would scare me as much as i do. but i cant loose him; and i cant loose them. but there is no inbetween. its impossible. he hates her, she hates him. its a mess. 


if i see them, im loosing him. 
if i see him im loosing them. 


but today, it felt like i was loosing them both. 
is it worth loosing my friends who ive known for years. to this boy, who hurt me before, and isnt even my boyfriend? ;/ 
i just dont know anymore, whats the best.


xB'.

Promises (L)

Not that anyone reads this.. but no updates in a few days :(. 


I'm just someone silly in love;but sometimes the pain and the heartache from it can actually be worth it. I've sort of been 'with' this guy for about 2 years now. But previously I was kinda sharing him with his on/off girlfriend who coincidentally used to be one of my bestest ever friends. 


Last October, I ended things. I said I couldn't be the one who wasn't his number 1 etc. but like true love happens, I couldn't stop myself completely from talking to him.  By Christmas we were sending flirty texts and being 'us' again. By the summer, we were more than we ever were before, talking and chatting, and I began to live for him again, but apart of me used to think that as soon as we went back to school, his ex would be back in the picture again, and I would be the one he came to when he wanted to fool around. 


3 months later? Yesterday he said the sweetest thing to me ever. Charlie has huge issues with promises, and he wont make them unless he can keep them. And for this I love him. He told me that he would promise me he would tell me when he talks to the ex...and he did. To some, this may not sound like something important, but for me, the other girl, its one giant leap into the unknown. A step in the direction that one day, we will be what I hope they will be. 


Truth is, I cant picture my life without him. I need him in my life. This is no longer a silly teenage romance. I dont want anything between us to change. 


xo.B

have no regrets, at one point its what you wanted.

Have you ever wondered why you're friends with some of the people you are?
Have you ever wished, wished so hard, that you had made different friendship choices over the years?
I never had, until this past week.


I've always told myself, you should never regret anything because at some point in time, you made that choice for a reason- because you wanted it. I love my friends to pieces. I do. And most days, I wouldn't change them for the world. And I get that we all have problems within our lives, but as a friend, you should listen and be listened to in return. Right now, that's just not happening for me. With mocks, real exams, boy trouble, college applications and everyone else's problems its just getting too much; yet everyone seems to forget that I am a person too.


I don't mind listening to them and giving them advice, I mean, I don't see them as much any more as I used to. I hang out at different places, and speak to them less. But I still love them. They know that I do. Lately, I've just felt that perhaps they forget about me - until they need someone to tell their problems to.

I really need their help as well. I'm in a sticky situation. I am sorta kinda, with this guy. We had a 'thing' a 2 years ago, and this summer, started again. But I'm no better off than I was then - when he was flicking between me and his GIRLFRIEND. This time there is no girlfriend so there is no excuses...right?
I just dont know what to do. I just want someone to listen to, and so dear blogger.com it shall have to be you. Even if I have no followers, I shall write as often as I can- even if its just to protect my sanity. And document what goes on, so that when I look back, I know that at that one moment in time, everything right now, was because I wanted it. 


xB'.